You’ve expected and demanded J.’s attention and time when you found out he was dating me. Even before we dated, I realized you relied on J. above Ji.and Jo. Anything you wanted, instead of asking Ji., you would want J. to do things for or with you. You would cry to get him to feel bad, too. Crying and whining have been your go-to manipulation tactics to make it seem you are SO “hurt.” You are like a child when they do not get their way. They cry and throw fits. Normally, a parent would not give in to the tantrums, but I noticed quickly that everyone around you WOULD give in. So you knew what to pull to get your way. ANYTIME that J. won’t do what you want, you cannot stand it. You will keep pushing, crying, and whining until he finally (BUT reluctantly) gives in so that you will stop. Why would you want to push someone into doing something for or with you when it isn’t because they want to do it? It is because you do not care what anyone else wants and you won’t stop pushing and pushing until you get what YOU want. Anytime you have seen us or even texted/called J., it has always been to whine and cry about what we aren’t doing for you. It has become completely exhausting. It has stressed J. (and me) out so much that he dreads seeing/talking to you because he KNOWS it will end with YOU complaining about what we aren’t doing for YOU. I am not trying to be mean when I say that either, but you are VERY demanding and pushy. Whatever you want, you think, should be the final say. It is always your way or the highway. How does that seem fair? When J. and I were dating-beginning of our marriage, I remember how much you would call him. You always made him feel bad, and then he felt OBLIGATED to have to answer ANY TIME you called. You always claimed, “What if it was an emergency?” Except it hasn’t ever been one in the 15 years I have known you. Through the years, I am sure you have noticed he no longer likes answering your calls or responding to your texts, but that hasn’t stopped you from continuing to push. I remember one 4th of July, J. and I were about to head over to Tumbleweed Park and watch fireworks for a date night. You called him before we could make it to the car. You CRIED because your husband wouldn’t go to YOUR church fireworks show with you. So you whined that you wanted J. to go with you. J. felt bad, and then I felt bad/was too nice to say no, so we reluctantly agreed to go. It was so frustrating the amount of time you expected when we were dating/engaged/married/had O. You hated that I was the main one in his life and would whine and push J. to be “alone” with you. It was a huge demand, and you felt it should happen no matter what he wanted. You still obsess about alone time with him, but you don’t ask as much anymore because it has been all about O. since she was born. Also, because you know, he won’t agree to alone time much anymore. He will not tell you this, but I can see he doesn’t like being alone with you because all you do is whine and cry about what we aren’t doing for YOU. Yes, it is a REPEAT of what you want. I remember J. telling me what happened the last time he went out to eat with you. At the end of the meal, you pulled out your phone and had a huge list of things you wanted to whine about. He shut it down immediately. If you only want to be alone with him to get him away from me so you can try and manipulate him, then that isn’t being a good mom. Usually, when a parent wants to go out to eat with their kid or spend one-on-one time with them, they truly care about spending time with them and expect nothing in return. You also cannot just be happy to see ALL 4 of us. It is always complaining about alone time with J. OR O. The alone time is a way for you to try to control and isolate others so that you can attack and push for what you want. Your only care and concern now has been to see O. and get alone time with O. So even now, you don’t care about J. You don’t care if he comes to visit you; you only want to see O. 

You have always been someone who pushes and pushes and pushes and pushes to get what you want from Jeremy/us. If you do not get your way, you will throw such fits and say mean things to him/us. You want Jeremy to feel awful, and you want to make him unhappy. If you cannot get your way, no one can be happy or have what they want. You have texted him mean things, even to all of us. You will become really pushy if we do not respond ASAP! Like your “don’t give a damn” text. It is disgusting to put that kind of pressure on Jeremy and to make him feel bad. It isn’t his job to make you happy. It is wrong and hurtful to make him think that. He has a HARD time wanting to talk to you when EVERY SINGLE conversation is about YOU and what YOU want/feel entitled to. Through the years, I have noticed him not only backing off and not responding to texts or answering your calls as much but also with his tone. His tone is stressed and annoyed when he talks to you on the phone. He KNOWS the call won’t end well because you always have to whine about something. I don’t know why he bothers responding (the little that he does) anymore. I wouldn’t put up with it, so I stopped responding to you long ago. You will say such mean things and only whine about what you want. Then, you wonder why he doesn’t want to deal with you. You DO NOT care, though, and it has been made clear through the years that you won’t consider anyone else’s feelings. You will find a way, any way, to get what you want regardless of how any of us feel. This last Christmas, you didn’t care and decided to demand your way no matter how Jeremy and I felt. You just decided we would get together at YOUR house and wouldn’t take no as the answer. 

It is also never healthy to make your kids feel bad. You have told J. he is “disappointing” or a “disappointment” too often to count when he won’t do what you want. No matter how hard he has tried to make you happy, it is NEVER good enough for you. You once threw a fit and played the victim on FB all because your sons didn’t want to spend a SMALL holiday with you. You made people think that they were horrible sons because of it. J. has been NOTHING but a great kid, and you have taken it all for granted (and so has his dad). Through the years, you’ve screwed up his mental health/way of thinking, and it has been such a struggle for him to change things. He has had to work hard to not feel bad if he doesn’t do what you want. Making him think that you always come first, NO matter what, is very damaging and wrong. I genuinely don’t think you care or notice how many things you taught him that have been so damaging. I don’t think you understand how he has struggled to change those awful things. You have used him for emotional support for so many years, and that has been damaging. You are NOT Number One! You should be happy he doesn’t abandon his family to put you first! Oh, but instead, you are angry. You whine, make him feel bad, cry, and retaliate when he isn’t putting you and your needs/wants first. I honestly will NEVER understand the things you have done to him and the awful things you have taught him. I love my kids way too much to do those things to them. I want them to be mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually healthy and happy! I will NOT make them feel bad if they’re going to spend time with their little families or do their own things when they’re grown adults! Even now, I wouldn’t do that! I will be happy because I KNOW boundaries, and I want them to see me as someone they WANT to come to and be around. They will WANT to be around me of their own free will because I won’t do everything you have done. I also know VERY well how it feels to be treated horribly by your parents. It messes a kid up, EVEN into adulthood. Kids shouldn’t have to deal with extra stress and anxiety from their moms!

I have noticed quite a few times that you will get J. (and even O.) alone, and they will agree to something they wouldn’t have agreed to if anyone else was around. That is only ONE reason I don’t allow my kids around you/alone with you! NOT ONLY THAT, but you’re so pushy and demanding that it stresses J. out! So then he will agree to something ONLY to get you to stop your constant pushing. The thing about him agreeing to things in hopes that you will stop pushing is that you won’t stop, no matter his decision. You will keep going because NOTHING is EVER good enough for you. Trying to manipulate J. is very wrong. Also, stepping back like you have been doing, going a month every month with your “silent treatments,” isn’t stepping back and giving us space. You are only playing another one of your games to make things work in your favor. You aren’t changing when you come back after these “silent treatments” and start in with J. AGAIN doing the SAME things, but you want it to LOOK like you’re caring/giving us space. That is ONLY because you want it to look like you aren’t bugging us/seeing us much so you should get what you want from us. You will get the same results when you repeat the same games. 

Now, to how you treat my kids….

The main thing about my kids is your favoritism of O. You have ALWAYS included O. in every single thing. Even when I was pregnant with her, you gave her gifts and acknowledged her/said her name. You show all the time that you do not care about C. You leave him out of gifts/cards and barely mention him. You SHOW with your ACTIONS that you do not care about him like you SEEM to care about O. Even so, you don’t care about O. either due to all you have done through the years. It isn’t actually about seeing O. and never has been. It is about getting your way and having something you cannot control. I do not want to hear excuses of how we don’t allow you around, so that is why you “Don’t know” C. I don’t want to listen to any excuses that you do not have any photos of him as to why you left him out of memories photos. I KNOW you have quite a few pictures of him. I WILL NOT tolerate anyone, especially someone who is supposed to be a grandparent, favoring one of my kids over the other. You do that with all the grandkids; I have noticed this alone. You really only prefer O. and M. I know what it is like to be favored by my nana (great grandma), AND I know what it is like to be ignored by my dad’s mom (they have both passed away). It messes with kids either way! I love, care for, and treat my kids equally. I do not love one of them more than the other one. I love them both the same. Again, your actions show how you genuinely feel for ALL of us!

As I added earlier, the obsession with alone time has been stressful. You’ve asked to spend “alone time” with O. TOO many times to count. It has been a no every time. I only allowed you to watch O. less than a handful of times because you would disrespect me every time, and I didn’t feel you would keep her 1000% safe. You would do whatever YOU wanted to do no matter what I said! You would do whatever you wanted in front of my face, so I didn’t want to constantly worry about what you were doing or trying to pull when I wasn’t around! You LOVE the “younger years” and are obsessed with them. This is because you can control little kids better, and they cannot tell their parents things or speak up. Easter 2017 is a GREAT example of how you would do things in my face when I said no. So then it made me stressed about what you would do or pull if I was away. The LAST time I ever allowed you to watch O. was because of you disrespecting what I wanted/didn’t want when it came to her. You visited our house to watch O.; it was Valentine’s Day. You IMMEDIATELY came up to me and asked me if you could give her a bath. I already knew you would try to push bathtime. How obsessed you are with baths and diaper changes is weird. I would ensure those things were done before you came around so I wouldn’t have to worry about it. There isn’t any need for a grandparent or any other person to give a child a bath unless it is ABSOLUTELY needed, and I didn’t require you to help with those things. I told you NO to the bathtub and said we had ALREADY made sure she was washed up (a shower) before you arrived. Well, you DID NOT care and were going to find a way and do whatever YOU felt entitled to. When Jeremy and I returned home, you told me you “went ahead and gave O. a bath because she asked for one.” First, YOU were supposed to be in charge and not O. Second, I knew it was a blatant LIE because O. DOES NOT ask for baths and never has. She is a shower person, plain and simple. You pushed it with her and somehow bribed her to make her take one. You probably told her she could play with toys and made it seem like a play area. You have always made it clear that you feel a bath is something YOU should get to do because you think the kids should be able to play in the bathtub. You had toys by your bathtub and expected to get that time! A bath isn’t a play place. Yes, I have bath toys for my kids, but cleaning up is the main thing about a bath. It isn’t another thing you should have so you can play mom. I do not know anyone who would see how you have treated us and think it is okay/believe that you should still be around us.

ALL you have discussed is seeing O. and the time you expect to get with her. It is your main goal in life. It has been a struggle with your pushiness in wanting to play mom by obsessing over diaper changes, baths, and alone time. You’ve constantly lied to others (and even us) about how you “never” see O. We would allow you to visit us/O. 2-4 times a week, every week, BUT you would STILL lie that you “never” saw her. That was because it only counted as a visit if it was YOUR way. If others were around, if it was a party/holiday away from your house, or if you were at OUR house, it didn’t count as a visit for you. It only mattered if we were at your home for hours and hours. You hated “sharing” O. with others and also made that known. YOU have had MORE time with O. than ANY OTHER grandparent gets or deserves. Still, it has NEVER been enough for you. Why would I want you to have time with O. when all you have done is whine that you “never” see her and then treat all of us horribly? It would help if you had BEEN happy with the time you were so graciously given, but instead, you whine, cry, and have always pushed for the NEXT visit while still at the current visit. I always knew when you would ask for a next visit by how you would act. So then I would become very anxious. We shouldn’t have to commit to ANOTHER visit. It would help if you had been happy with the CURRENT visit. You should have been content with ANY amount of time you were given!!! Instead, you have always complained when you can’t do this or that, the time you got was not long enough for you, the place needed to be better for you, and the day or holiday needed to be better. Always some stipulation. These and more are reasons you won’t see EITHER of my kids! If you want to compare and lie that you “never” had time with O., here you go. Now you REALLY don’t have ANY time!

Another big reason I don’t want you around/alone with O. (OR C.) is how you try to manipulate O. and go against what I want/don’t want for her. You will say things to O. (like you do to J.) to try and manipulate her. That, in turn, makes her VERY uncomfortable. You’ve made her do your dirty work by making her come to me to ask for things that YOU wanted to do with her. Easter 2017 is a great example. I know I brought it up earlier, but this was when I knew I was done coming to your house. You disrespected me, locked O. in your room with you instead of being out to host, then made her come out to ask me things YOU wanted to do with her, things she would never have asked on her own. I would say NO to each thing, but you would IGNORE what I said and still do what you wanted by sneaking around me. A bath in the middle of the day during Easter, the holiday you always whined you should host?! What?! I said no to the bath, but it didn’t matter. You snuck O. out in her nice dress and VERY nice shoes so she would get dirty. That gave you an excuse to sneak past me and wash her feet off in your bathtub!!! I was SO upset that day. Being at your house when you disrespect us is not enjoyable. That is why we don’t like to come over. You will also say things to O. like, “It’s been so long” when it hasn’t, OR when it shouldn’t matter or be brought up to her. It would help if you only showed her that it doesn’t matter where, when, or for how long. You should show her how much you enjoy, are happy with, and are humble about whatever time you get. Nope, you’re not, though! That will ONLY make her wonder why you whine so much about how long it has been instead of just enjoying what you get. She HAS asked me questions due to your behaviors. I will always be honest with her (and C.), especially when she sees these things herself. She asked me, “Why does Grammy always cry when she can’t see me?” It is NOT fair or healthy to make a child feel responsible for making YOU happy/do what you want! She sees your behaviors because she is brilliant, but also because I show her what is healthy. She knows your behaviors/actions aren’t right or normal! You’ve always cried to get your way or when you don’t get your way. There’s NEVER been a time we haven’t seen you where you are not crying or sniffling. I don’t have a problem with it when it is NORMAL and when it is not to manipulate/a game to get your way. You have never cried healthily when you are around us. It is VERY exhausting to deal with. Also, it is very apparent it is NOT about spending time with O. when you are whining around her instead of using your time wisely. You would be watching her play, not forcing her to do things your way, and not whining to us about what time you aren’t getting with her WHILE you are RIGHT next to her. You have wasted so much time complaining instead of using that time to make memories like you claim to want.

Here’s another example of when you cry to manipulate and try to make us feel bad/make O. question things. You stopped by unannounced when Jeremy was in the garage. First, you have whined quite a bit to J., “H. doesn’t make me feel welcome.” If you haven’t felt welcome at our house it is because you come over unannounced OR because when we DO invite you over you whine, cry, do not enjoy the time you get, or say mean things. So this time wasn’t any different. As always, it was the same thing, whining about what we weren’t allowing you to get: TIME WITH O. O. and I didn’t know you were here. We walked out the door because we were heading to the store, and there you were, bawling your eyes out to J. AGAIN. NOTHING NEW. I was NOT going to deal with it. I didn’t even want to look at you because you always wanted to come unannounced and stress us all out. It is never pleasant to see someone who isn’t nice to be around. J. MADE O. hug you to make you “FEEL better,” which I cannot stand because she should be able to choose when she talks to/sees you/hugs you. I disagree that you should force a kid to hug OR kiss someone because that sends them the wrong messages. Especially when she was feeling uncomfortable with you crying. When we finally drove away, O. told me (ON HER OWN), “I asked Grammy why she was sad, and she said it was because her feelings were hurt.” I was NOT about to make my child feel bad and think that YOU being sad was because you don’t get to see her as much as you expect. So I told her it wasn’t right to do that, to make her feel bad. Please, it is always some pity party for you. You are always trying to guilt trip and make my daughter or husband feel bad. It is VERY wrong. You didn’t have to tell O. anything like that, but that is what you do because you want to TRY and manipulate! You want people to ask, “What’s wrong?” You want people to feel sorry for YOU, and you want people to think that J. and I “hurt” you even though that is NOT the case. You’re the ONLY one hurting yourself. We haven’t done anything to hurt or upset you. That is all on you.

Another manipulation tactic you use is telling O., “Well, I would let you, but you HAVE to ask your mom first.” Telling her that you would let her do something when you KNOW I would probably say no is trying to make ME look like the bad guy and to make you look like such a wonderful person who would allow her to have “fun.” That is all it has ever been about. You are competing with me for O.’s (and J.’s) attention and love! It is toxic to say those things to O. Sadly, you will try so hard to make EVERYONE see me as some awful person when I have been NOTHING BUT NICE TO YOU!!!!

There came a point where I couldn’t leave O. alone with you, even for one second, because you would say things to her that she shouldn’t know. You would somehow push her by saying things or picking her up and forcing her to do whatever you wanted. I can only imagine how far you would go when I wasn’t around due to what you would do when I was around. If O. doesn’t want to do something you want her to, you keep pushing until she does. You’ve never been able to sit back and be happy watching her do what she wants! When you demanded that J. fix the stripes on your car for the second time (you even whined when he told you his back was hurting and wouldn’t back down about him fixing them), it was 5 hours of stress. You were pushing to try and make O. do what you had brought and expected to do with her. You would come in and out of the house every couple of seconds. If you came in, it was to whine/push O. to let you read her a book, or you would try to get her outside by saying you had a puzzle book. You asked if she wanted to do the puzzle book, and when she said yes and came to grab it from you, you said, “ONLY if you come outside.” So then she didn’t want to do it because she saw how manipulative you were toward her. When you were outside, you were whining to J. that it was all MY fault that O. wouldn’t do things with you. FIVE HOURS of you not giving up! FIVE HOURS of having to deal with you trying to push, push, push O. to do everything you brought and expected her to do with you!!! I wouldn’t manipulate or make my daughter do those things with you. I wouldn’t tell O. what to say to you, and I NEVER have. She wanted to do other things. We didn’t even expect you to be there for those five hours. You invited yourself to hang out for hours after claiming you had other things to do that day but obviously didn’t. I even recall you tried to push J. into making O. and I go to the movies with you that day. You didn’t want to be at our house because it was more challenging for you to control things. We already had relaxing plans for what we both wanted to do that day. You should have been happy to BE around O.! It would help if you had been so glad to watch her enjoy doing what SHE wanted to do. You have never once gotten to know O. and what she likes because you only think about what YOU like and ONLY want to push her to do those things. It has been that way with me, J., and anyone else. You do not care what we like because you think we should only like and do what you want/do. What really worried me that day was when I went out for a couple of seconds to give J. lunch. I walked back in, and you had O. on your lap and were reading the book to her! After hours of O. telling you no, she didn’t want you to read it to her, you said SOMETHING while I wasn’t there to force her to do what you wanted. That is what I mean: getting O. or J. alone and away from me to manipulate them! It is evil and very deceitful.

Another reason we have stepped back is how often you have tried to push J. into allowing you to take O. to the movies alone. You go STRAIGHT to J. (not caring how I will feel) because you think you can make him feel bad and get your way. You whined to him repeatedly, “Just because you guys don’t do something with O. doesn’t mean I can’t.” You aren’t the judge of what we do with our kids. If we decide to do OTHER things (like go to car shows, take trips to J, ride bikes, or watch movies in our home), there is NOTHING WRONG with what we choose to do as a little family. It DOES NOT give you the right to do what we aren’t doing with O. We have already had an issue going to the movies with you, and why I wouldn’t even want you to go with O. The only time we have been to the movies with you was when you claimed it was for my birthday. I knew it wasn’t about my birthday and only about your time with O. when, that morning, you were trying your best to get J. and me to go see another movie so you could have O. all to yourself. I said no because O. and I had been discussing the movie for weeks and wanted to see it together. I was excited to sit with her, watch with her, and talk about things with her as they happened in the movie. When we arrived to sit down, it was even more apparent that it was NOT about my birthday. You came very early to be in charge of who sat where. You put J. and me all the way over to the other end. You quickly grabbed O. away from J. and sat her next to you. It is always about what YOU feel entitled to, and you DO NOT care to check and see if I am okay with it. You saw I was upset, and it was why you lied and mentioned to O. that she would “have” to sit with me halfway through the movie, but it never happened. I didn’t know how to speak up then and why I am now. You have also asked to take O. to the movies on Mother’s Day weekend and ON her birthday. You even printed out a fake “coupon,” thinking that would seal the deal, and then whined when we wouldn’t “honor” it. It only showed me that you thought you were the mom and thought you deserved all of these moments that I should have. What I have had to deal with and fight against you when it has come to what you feel you should be entitled to has been shocking. The truth is, you’re NOT promised ANYTHING.